Grief

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Grief is starting to manifest itself in my life as a tendency to self-destructive behavior. I was not self-destructive when Dad died. With Mom dying, though, the grief is so different. Subterranean. Desires to escape — the vodka, the imaginary mudding worlds. And it’s so hard to be in this world, literally: the deep snow and bad foot are not a good combination.

I should think of Mom’s death in other terms than now I’m free — shouldn’t I?

One thought on “Grief”

  1. You have a lot going on, and a lot of stressful events in the recent past. Give yourself a break. Whatever your feelings are right now, let them be that, and try not to judge yourself for not fitting your fantasy of what grieving would be like.

    It took me two sessions in therapy to face the fact that despite my extremely toxic relationship with my mother, I will still miss her and I am grieving. And she’s not even dead yet.

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