“We took Chris Matthews’ advice, and really endeavored to understand these people,” a Pentagon spokeman said. “And then, once we sufficiently understood them, we atomized them with high-explosive precision munitions. I think this is a compromise approach both the left and right can agree upon.”
Mary “Unicorn” Jamblowitcz, an advocate for CodePink, wasn’t pleased with the report. “This only makes more terrorists,” she asserted.
The Pentagon rebutted: “Sure, but only if you’re counting the component chunks of them.”