Afterwards

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It would have surprised me even yesterday morning how much of an emotional drain that burying your mother is. I’d felt steady all week, after all. Everything went as planned, many people came to the mass, and even Aunt Helen and Uncle Darth were nice to me — at least, as nice as you can be without actually being nice.

At the buffet afterwards (too cold to actually bury her, but we did the committal ceremony anyway), Aunt Elaine, Mom’s first cousin, told me how often Mom bragged about me to her friends — of course, never when I was around. That’s what got to me. All I ever wanted, I think, was her approval, and it seems I had it, but never knew till now.

Blur afterwards: friends bringing soup, crying, stupid 007 movies on television, not all in that order.

Exhaustion, and I slept for twelve hours straight. No nightmares that I can remember.

Today: I begin to heal.

3 thoughts on “Afterwards”

  1. My condolences on the loss of your mother. I do hope the healing process is rapid. I wish you all the best on the journey toward that healing.

  2. I’m very sorry for your loss. May the mourners be comforted.

    I found out last month that my mother is dying.

  3. Sorry to read about your loss, Patti. I’ll try not to say anything trite here, but I know from personal experience that the condolences of a virtual cyber-stranger can sometimes actually help you feel better. Just wanted to let you know that there’s a person out in Virginia who is sending you sympathy.

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