I start getting visited

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I’ve just had my first go-around with a lovely, well-meaning friend who came over this afternoon to give me several hugs and to tell me how brave and heroic she thinks I am, and how difficult this must be for me. And that she’s there for me any time I need anyone to do anything. Just call her. Anytime. Really.

I got about three hugs, maybe four, out of the visit, which was quick. Fortunately I’d had time to put my scarf back on before she got into the house so that I didn’t have to go through the whole hair explanation. Everybody “understands” if you have a scarf on, but not if you’re just standing there, bald. They don’t want to see that. And I knew that I was going to have to go through enough gushing anyway, what with me being brave and all.

Buck played along with the necessary facade by telling her how Yes, indeed, Patti’s really keeping her spirits up. Neither of us wanted the visit to last long, and going the cliché route seemed to be the most expedient. It was. She left soon after.

How often have I unwittingly been on the other end of this? I mean well, I’ve always meant well, but anybody can say that. It’s like a null statement. I’ve always meant to help and offer encouragement to my sick friends. Now I realize I’ve probably failed at least as much as I’ve succeeded. What is the right thing to say to someone who has cancer? I’m still not sure myself. I think it goes something like, “Gee, I’m sorry.” I don’t think it goes on after that, unless either one of you can think of something more intelligent to say.

5 thoughts on “I start getting visited”

  3. Patti:

    A friend of mine who battled cancer for years had an opt-in/opt-out email he used to send to friends. The purpose of the email was to allow him to vent about the Drs., insensitivity of the medical field and his general condition.

    Then he always closed it by telling us all that when we called, or saw him somewhere, talk about life because he had nothing else to say about the cancer.

    He was a rich person and he continued to bless people his whole life. Every moment was about the now and life all the while in no way ignoring or marginalizing the cancer.

    You are doing that with this blog….

    So, also be sure to continue to add your wit to life in general in your entries. All of us give you plenty of topics for commentary!

    Thanks for adding me to your link…..

    Doug

  4. Hi Patti,

    What’s funny is that I’ve been on the receiving end of such a visit when I had an **appendectomy** several years back.

    I’m not much for gushing either – not into the victim thing.

    Still planning to visit later in the year 🙂

    R.

  5. Yay! I look forward to it. I hope you and Bianca are accompanied by a small, pink bundle 🙂

    Besides, when was the last time that you ate some of the best ice cream in the world?

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