So I was going to have a quiet afternoon of reading this past afternoon, and then I ran into M in the hotel lobby. M needed a ride to Reb Zalman’s house, so I dropped him off there and told me he didn’t need a ride back. And I put on lip gloss for nothing.
Yeah, I’m wearing lip gloss. I seem to be getting to the point in my life where my lips are beginning to fade into the rest of my face. But wearing makeup runs against my lifelong habits. Back in my all-girl’s high school, makeup was forbidden. Then in college, who could bother in the morning? Except for my friend Nadine, who said that putting on eye shadow made her eyes wake up.
I wrote a good deal this morning, getting over my barrier. Just want to write what I want to write, not what I think a novel should be. That’s the form my inner editor takes: when I can’t write, it’s because I can’t think of what should happen, not what I want to happen or what I’ve imagined. I think that creation is not ‘should.’